"Why I Can't Stop Thinking Maybe We'll Work Out Even Though I Know We Shouldn't"
Because it is easier to hope than to know
Because in my imagination you do what I want
and behave like someone
not perfect but with mostly normal mostly
human flaws
that can mostly be forgiven
Because investing in fantasy is simpler than
fixing myself
Because in my imagination there is a reason -
a good one - for all the whys and I can justify
the pain
instead of admitting
I love myself so little I'll settle
Because maybe I'm actually better alone but
definitely too scared to deal with the
implications of that big thought
So I live in an unreal little liminal kind of space
that lets me both have and not have
Be not loved and not loved but
differently
Because I know I'll be alone either way so
Because it is easier to hope than to know
Because in my imagination you do what I want
and behave like someone
not perfect but with mostly normal mostly
human flaws
that can mostly be forgiven
Because investing in fantasy is simpler than
fixing myself
Because in my imagination there is a reason -
a good one - for all the whys and I can justify
the pain
instead of admitting
I love myself so little I'll settle
Because maybe I'm actually better alone but
definitely too scared to deal with the
implications of that big thought
So I live in an unreal little liminal kind of space
that lets me both have and not have
Be not loved and not loved but
differently
Because I know I'll be alone either way so